Saturday, July 28, 2007

On a more Honest topic

Something that's been on my mind lately is that
I remember always yearning for the dichotomes to be Okay
for the paradoxes and polarities to be Okay
I didn't totally understand how they could be,
and i didn't really experience that...unconditional sort of love
but I remember wanting that bothness to be Okay
and wanting all parts to be accepted.

Over the past...6 months I think my aspiration has
really been about being as transparent as i can be.
I still have So far to go....
but this summer, I've Really found out that
the more visible I am ...whether its about my
vulnerabilities
political beliefs,
emotional world,
or or...spiritual beliefs...
....the more peacful I become.
There's less to hide.
I feel like SO much energy gets put into
hiding and...
secrecy...
I believe in privacy, for sure,
but there's a big difference between privacy and secrecy
secrecy is like...fear and
and trying to hide from each other...
feeling separate.
and being transparant is really...
a couragous act, a loving act.
It also relates us to each other.
I feel like if we were all ready to put
Everything out there on the table
we'd be Really shocked to see the thread of continuity...

I think what I'm getting at is the belief in...
in that whatever it is that people are known for...
lets say someone's known for strength,
I usually can be assured tha tthe opposite, flipside is something
that person is terrified of.
So if someone is really outgoing, and has this Huge presence in a room
maybe their biggest fear is that they're
DULL and they're NOTHING....
but if we're to embrace tha twe're
Huge...AND that we're also boring and nothing
then we have access to whichever we want
and we're not compulsively driven to the opposite
of
of
that wich we're Terrified of.

if there's anything I've taken away from the
people who I have surrounded myself with lately,
on that personal, learned level...
it would be being More okay with ....
all that is inbetween those dichotomies and feelings...
Not wanting to be this perfect/good/happy person
but not wanting to drown in my own cynicism
but to have everything between be...Okay.


yum

2 comments:

Kris said...

thank you for posting this.

Jaya said...

This was such a beautiful way of expressing it! I think about balance a lot, and you really put it so wonderfully and made it so clear.