On Mondays

I hate Mondays.


And dead week.

But hey!
Portfolio night is coming up
as is...graduation.

CRAZY!

On Another Reason why I Ride

So there I go,
out to ride my beautiful bicycle today.

It was cloudy during the morning hours of the day
but cleared off into some scatterings of sun here and there.
I get home from class and its that time,
time for the scheduled ride
and, yet, the couch was sooo comfortable.

Alas, I said to myself
"you'll regret this if you don't!"

And off I rode.
Into the 15-20mph wind
and out to Ledges
did the climb and headed home

I must confess,
it was slightly torturous
I hadn't opened up the throttle like that, for 40 miles in a long time.

BUT


HERE'S THE BEST PART.

with about 7 miles left in the ride (3 of which are cooldown miles)
this white chevy lumina pulls out of a driveway
and starts driving in front of me.
Its an old gentleman, with a red farmers cap on.
I had a tail wind and was crouched down, holding a good 27mph on flat.
So when he came out
my first thought was "dang it! I hope you speed up sooooon so I don't have to slow down"

He did speed up....
but to about...30mph.
And he let me draft him for the next 4 miles.
It was AWESOME.

He had his window rolled all the way down, and would watch the fields
then look in the mirror, to see if I was there I would imagine,
then just...enjoy the weather, I suppose.
And just before the last little climb that goes to a bridge over the interstate...
He sticks up his right hand, does a little wave,
and takes off.

And for the second time in the past week,
I let a tear (of pure, genuine, sincere, honest) happiness
roll down my cheek.

I really can't explain to a soul how amazing it is
to have that feeling of self-reliance and independence.
To BE the picture of untrammelled womanhood...
And then for a stranger to come along
and without any selfishness in the world
to join you in it and make it Even better...
When you never even asked.

Thanks mr. farmer guy
Lord knows I ride that road enough...
so maybe we'll run into each other again.


--------------------------------


IN OTHER NEWS

Check out where FemBash has gone!!!!

On Another Adventure

You'd think that...
I'd have learned by now.

Gained some...common sense.
Become a bit sharper of a tool in the shed...

Alas,
part of my charm,
lets be honest,
....is that sometimes I just...
make...
silly...
mistakes.

And they're never just a simple mistake.
They are always tiny, then...then you realize a bigger mistake that it really is part of.
and Then you realize that really...life goes on and...it actually Was just a ...silly mistake.

Let me tell you what I'm talking about.

Lola, my car.
We were out at a nice local park, being parked.
Chillin w/ the radio on.
I was having a really nice chat with a friend of mine.
All of a sudden
the radio turns off.

*siiiigh*

*turn key*
**tic tic tic tic*

well...that's...that's......that's the sound of an empty car battery.

So fine,
get out the jumpers.
But wait....wtf.
The hood won't open.
.....its jammed.
We can't get it opened for the life of us.

So...waiting around for a while
with a few knights on white horses in there to save the day
be patient
understanding (of my...incompetence)
Eventually some AAA style help arrives...
and pulls the thing that opens the hood....

Apparently, I wasn't pulling it hard enough.
And I will have you know,
that it felt completely like that motha' was going to break.
The plastic was starting to flex and...i wasn't going to force it.
Plus, I HAD popped it once, the very first time,
we both heard it, right Kris!??!?
and it was After that that I felt I couldn't get it.

MORAL of the story....
you don't need a tow truck if you just look at ....
all the angles of the situation and figure out what Really needs to be done.
Figure out the ACTUAL problem, and you can figure out the Actual solution.

;)

On Brandi Carlile

I don't know if y'all who read this know miss Brandi Carlile.
but you should.

And because, I can....I think I'll share:

For the rage in my life:


Kris, this one is for you:

I don't honestly think I have EVER heard a better version of that song....

This one is for me:


Mickey, here's to you:


This one is to me, again:



--------------

Also, dear nephew,
happy birthday.
I'm someewhat jealous that you were born on 4-20.
But it fits you, knowing who your mother is...
:)
Cool. I hope he had a sweeeet b-day party.

On What I Want!

I needs to find me a lova'.
If anyone knows anyone out there, here's what I'm looking for:

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?


à la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted? ...curious and communicative...

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow





toothpastefordinner.com
On Topics of other life issues, Just so you know:

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it.
I will give you encouragment to choose the path you want if you need it.
You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.
You can share your so-called "shamefilled" accounts of times in your life and I
won't judge it.
And there are no strings attached to it.

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it.
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it.
You can ask for anything you want, anything at all and I'll understand it.
And there are no strings attached to it.

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop.
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into debt.
This is the only kind of love, as I understand it, that there really is.

You can express your deepest of truths, even if it means I'll lose you and I'll
hear it.
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss, I'll empathize with.
You can say that you'll have to skip town to chase your passion and I'll hear
it.
You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it.
And there are no strings attached.

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.

On Simplicity

Its just never...that...simple though, is it?

On Assuming Responsibility

First:

toothpastefordinner.com

:)

Next:

So much in life
we feel stuck in the middle of something.
Being in the middle leads us to feeling the need
to make sure that each side is balanced and...well. and safe. and...happy.

But as soon as reality hits, you have to realize
that it isn't in your control. From the middle, you have influence
but no control over the way either side of the balance feels.
and it isn't your responsibility for it, anyway.

It reminds me of growing up.
My dad would drink and drink and drink and
then promise to not do it again
and smooth talk his way into regaining trust
and excuse himself with his wordsmithing
and manipulation. And his "I love you"'s
Then there was my mom. Who had the perpetuating
issue and saying... "if I talk to him about it,
he'll use it as an excuse to go do it again,
and it will just be worse.
if I don't talk to him about it... everyone around
here is winding up hurt and afraid. And, really, I just wish
he'd pay attention to me and when I tell him that
I made us a dinner at 6...that he wouldn't be at
the bar w/ his work buddies until 2. But, there's
a plate ready for you in the fridge for when you Do
decide to come home."

Where am I going with all of this?
Back to the assumption of responsibility.
It was/has/will never be my responsibility to make excuses for someone.
It was/has/will never be something i have to be in the middle again,
acting as a bumper to focus on instead of the actual issue at hand.
It will never be my responsibility to negate my own feelings,
desires, values, ......or emotions for the sake of this balancing act.

I especially remember the responsibilities that my sisters and
I would assume for each other. Even if I ... stole Amie's CDs
and ended up scratching her favorite one...she might give me
a good older sibling lesson, but when it came time
for dad to come around, the stories changed the responsibility
for one another, with full understanding of the position each
of us were in, became clear.
We would protect. Even if it meant a sacrifice of ourselves
we would protect.
But that is completely a choice
and generally the best choice a person could make in the given situation.

I suppose its just something to look out for and be aware of.
I do still see it In academics (especially group projects)
I will assume the responsibility
to make sure the group as a whole has loose ends tied up
even if it means I don't sleep for two nights.
Its something that's been nurtured in me
and whether its for better or for worse...
who knows.

But I'm aware.

On ...Stuff

Where the hell have I been!??!??

sick.
sick I tell you.
sick.

I'm not usually the one to go more than a week w/o a blog post, but...I'm afraid I've done it,
I've really done it this time!

So...Sorry for that, folks!

Anyway...

Here's the DL of what's happening around here
and...how I can apply that to my over-processing mind.

This week is VEISHEA week on campus

Not sure what that word is?
check it out here
Its a ton of shit...happening...all the time...
all week...and all weekend.


_________________

In other news...

I went up to Mpls last weekend with miss Kris
tooo pick up somethin' special.
I'll share with you more on that later.

I love long drives, though. They make for good conversation.
We had a lot of that and somewhere in there
we talked about a few things,
one...revolutionaries...and how they were all considered Crazy before anyone believed them
two... omission...

These put together...gave me an idea for a blog post...
one on...mmm American History...and class!

I think if I were to do another major, besides g.d. ...like I went blind or something,
it would totally be history or philosophy...

Anyway. the issue of class...
it is pretended, as in the preamble of constitution,

that it is "we the people"
rather than 55 white males whose class interest (i've talked about this before,
and how its ...similar to a dysfunctional family...?)
required a strong central gov.
That gov. with its central purposes, to serve
the wealthy and powerful
has continued throughout American history.
Its disguised by language that suggests
all of us, rich and poor and middle class
(and those of us who will be in debt until ...45...)
have a common interest
Thus the state of the nation is described in Universal terms.
When the [dumbass] president declares that our economy is sound
he will not acknowledge that it isn't sound for 40 or 50million people struggling to survive
Lest we forget the rich %1 who own %40 of the nations wealth....They're doing Just fine.
class interest has always been obscured by the "national interest"
I am not sure why I'm so skeptical of the "nation interest" or "national security"
for policy justification,
but maybe, just maybe it is because its the same excuse
used by Nixon as he carried out a war in indochina

that Reagan used as he invaded Grenada

and when Clinton bombed iraq again and again
I won't bother mentioning the atrocities of GW. *cringe*

I wonder now how the foreign policies of the US would look if
we wiped out the boundaries in the world
and thought of.. all of the children in the world as our own.
Wars of our time, are wars against our children
(Thank you Cranberries???)
Either the music video to Bosnia:

or the song "War Child".
But its True! The children are either innocently killed,
left with missing family. Or are left to pay off the debt and re-earn trust post-war.
But again, even though it should be, its not about them.
its about the 55 white men who wrote the constitution
saying that anything for the "good of the nation" is "great"
And because of this, Every american school child learns about the boston tea party
but who learns about the masacre of the peacock tribe in new england?
or the military attack by 200 calvarymen which wiped out a sleeping camp of peekin indians in montana
When in Lit class did you learn about
WEB Dubois (okay...i learned about him in US history, anyone else??), John Hope Franklin, etc.
black authors never seen on our reading list throughout our education.
GREAT american authors who... are overlooked, STILL TODAY because of their race.
I find this fact particular interesting in the sense that
its not always an active happening that becomes 'racism'
or that makes the world turn and declares wars....
but many times it is a simple omission.

It is the omission of opinion
of values
of voice by the people who have little. to no. social power.

Its ...kind of ...a big deal. And kind of why...
why people who are revolutionaries are always considered "crazy"

So next time...next time you go to 'omit' something
think of the trickle down effect it can have...

...I could definitely have wrapped that up better, and its all in my head,
but honestly,
a cold beer and some cribbage is ...literally calling my name via text messaging .......
pull it together yourself.

HAPPY ....THURSDAY!??!




the wellbeing of