On a new semester

It starts tomorrow
a new semester
not just a new semester
the Final semester of undergrad
(barring any...missed credits in there somewhere)

Its a bit strange to think of all the changes that have occured
and the differences between a freshman year and a senior year.
I'm finding myself busy with submitting work for competitions
such as the ADAI one
to SEGD competition
and even work to ID magazine

I've nearly completed a new portfolio website







But with everything wrapping up this way
I just cant for the life of me help but wonder what this semester will bring
what new challenges will arise

I think more than anything this semester
I want to focus on ... figuring out what it is I want, and reaching for it
School revolves so much around...
assigning things and putting deadlines on and saying
"this is what you are going to learn"
and I allow for this to transcend into other areas of my life, which is a bit scary.

And as I think a bit more, I realize that
I allow this transcendence by making excuses
...granted, these excuses have kept me rather safe
errr......but rather stuck, too..
they've served me well.
and they're certainly familiar
I never jump out of my comfort zones because I assume
that there is....
a lack of time
that i should be working (no resting, no lazy!)
that i won't be understood
that its too hard
it takes too much energy
But bringing these things into light really shakes their foundation
it clears my sight a bit
and I think that in reality, its my imagination limiting me
The excuses of.... of....
well "no one can have it all, anyway"
"i have to, they want me to"
and "i cannot let them down"

So...in the end.
This semester, I'm going to do more of what I want to do
and a little less of what i'm told to do
(sorry mom, I know that's against the "do as you're told" motto"